Beauty blooms throughout our struggle to transform. Amidst the challenge, we might not have support from family and friends, and we might feel alone, crying out to the universe … are we THERE yet? How much longer do we need to be in this cocoon? Are we ever going to break out of our shell? And what comes next?

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Allow and honor the process.

It’s important during this time of not knowing where our rebirth will take us, and not knowing how to do it, that we allow ourself to see and honor the process. This means not looking for physical results of our transformation, such as: appreciation, kudos from friends, or validation from family.

Look for an increase in our value.

Instead, we need to look at the increase in our value due to our transformation, such as: changes in our uplifted perception and thoughts, a greater sense of freedom, a lightness in our physical body, acknowledging and accepting our feelings, and expressing our emotions in healthy ways. We might also see inner results such as: learning how to nourish and deeply care for the state of our soul, mind, and body. We might see an increase in independence, and notice that we are taking action to care for ourself, rather than depend on others to help us heal, grow, build strength, and break our limitations and harmful habits.

To see our value, we need to remove cultural and familial misperceptions.

The increase in our personal value may be a challenge for us to see. Many of us may not have been taught to see or value our whole self in this way. Growing up, we may have been valued for what we could do for others, or what we look like. We may have been taught to see and define ourself as our body or our brains, as a girl or a boy, as pretty or not pretty, as smart or not smart, as thin or not thin. Now is the time that we can go deeper, and stop defining ourself by our physical body and what it can do. We can learn to like, love, and support our deeper self, more. We can learn to see ourself as an energetic body, a SOUL, a BEING, and a part of life, having the intrinsic value and worthiness of life itself. By shifting our perspective about ourself from a PHYSICAL PERSON, who provides PHYSICAL goods, services or comforts to others, to a SPIRITUAL BEING, who is a valuable part of life, regardless of what we DO, we can begin to see our inner transformation and rebirth.

We are one of many creatures who can transform and be reborn.

Sometimes, it can be helpful to see an example of transformation and rebirth in nature, so we may begin to see the similarities in ourself. Let’s look for a moment at the birth of the cicadas. Here in the Southern US, masses of cicadas were born over the last couple of weeks. One by one, each cicada was born, on their own. Birthing ourself is not easy. Like the birth of the cicada, it can be wild and messy. Some of us don’t make it out of our shell of limitations. Some of us make it out of our shell, only to get snatched up by a predator, be it a disease, a virus, violence, or death.

Freshly born cicada with shell

Shells and adult cicadas
(hours after birth)

The birthing process is a solitary one.

Each cicada needs to struggle and break free of its own hard shell. Like the cicada, we mustn’t allow ourself to be discouraged or disheartened by our challenges. If others are not near us during this time, this doesn’t mean we’ve done anything wrong. It means we are following intuition and allowing ourself to be reborn, at our appointed time. Despite the fact that we may be the first member of our friends and family to allow ourself to experience this process.

Birth is a quiet, yet powerful and meaningful struggle.

It’s not for the faint of heart, as the results are unknown. Many things have been said about the intensity and remarkable nature of giving birth. First, this anonymous quote: “When we change the way we view birth, the way we view birth will change.” I agree, as the opportunity to be reborn is a privilege, which not everyone gets to experience. Sheila Kitzinger said, “Birth isn’t something we suffer, but something we actively do and exult in.” And this quote by Ina May Gaskin, “Whenever and however we choose to give birth, it will impact our emotions, our mind, our body and our spirit, for the rest of our life.”

Rebirth is a mystery.

Giving birth to our best self is just as mysterious, if not more mysterious, than physical birth. One of the reasons is because we may not be aware of what we’ll become. Does the cicada larvae know that one day it will fly? Does the caterpillar know that it will become a butterfly? We may have no idea what we may become. However, we can learn to go with the changes, and assist ourself during the birthing process by learning to CARE for ourself as we grow and develop.

Take excellent care.

We need to care for our physical body, our thoughts, our emotions, and our energy during our transformation. The actual process of birthing our new self requires breaking through our unconscious shell of repressed thoughts, emotions, genetics, and energetic history. We can care for and support this process by caring for our emotions, thoughts, and actions, as they arise.

Develop our inner parent, raise our inner child.

The care described would be provided by the part of us that some people call our “inner parent.” This inner parent would coach the part of us that may feel rebellious, and resist efforts to change. To help us succeed, our inner parent might give our rebellious inner child some extra emotional support by means of: playtime (whatever that means to us), snuggling in soft blankets, listening to gentle music, humming, making art, or our favorite foods. Our inner parent may also give us pep talks, reminding us that we are worthy of success, utilizing spiritual practices and prayer, complementing our healthy choices, and generally “taking care of” the part of us that may struggle to attain our goals. For example, if we found we were drawn to hang out with people we’ll call “friends in low places,” our inner parent might schedule our exercise time during the time when we might have met with those friends. Our inner parent might also set up a reward system to encourage behavior that births our best. Our inner parent might encourage looking at new clothes in a smaller size, and set a reward of some new clothing when we make healthy choices. Alternately, the inner parent may also set a punishment if we make unhealthy choices. The result of this inner parenting would be that we become healthier overall… that we give birth to, and become our best self, growing in accountability and integrity. And those characteristics of accountability and integrity are not only born, but can flourish and grow.

Why bother with the struggle and birth?

Very simply, because it frees us. It frees us to crack open our shell of insecurities. And these insecurities limit our ability to experience: healthy relationships, the fulfillment of our soul, and joy.

Those who are reborn are uncommon.

Though birthing our best self is vital to creating our strongest soul and allowing our fullest experience of life, it is also uncommon. It’s so uncommon, that I found no statistics as to how many people actualize, or give birth, to their best self. As quoted from the website Thrive Global, “living our best life, or … an uncommon life, is subjective. It’s supposed to be on our own terms, according to our own definition of what success means to us. However, the sad reality is, because most people haven’t done the work to define what their best life would be, they have no way of knowing if they are, in fact, living it. That said, those of us who aren’t yet living ours, we feel it. We know it in our bones.”

In my experience, it is this “knowing in our bones” that we are not living to our potential, which must provide us enough impetus to seek rebirth. We cannot wait for: others to join us, or to see a complete vision of our future life or self will be, in order to transform. The waiting can be both toxic and deadly.

What does life look like when we don’t birth our best self?

According to experts at Thrive Global, symptoms of not choosing to give birth to our best self may include, but are not limited to: feeling stuck in behavior patterns that cycle up and down, having low energy, feeling angry and exhibiting sabotaging behaviors, and having low confidence. Here are five examples from Thrive Global of what we may experience when we’re not birthing our best self.

  1. We’re envious and jealous of others.
  2. We feel like something is missing.
  3. We don’t know how to enjoy ourself in healthy ways.
  4. We can’t define happiness for ourself.
  5. We feel like a failure.

What might life look like when we do act as our own midwife and birth our best self?

On the other hand, in this scenario, the end result can be beyond our wildest dream. Because, quite literally, that state of being is beyond our current state of imagination. Meanwhile, the struggle of the birthing process must come first, because the struggle makes us stronger. Too often, we avoid struggle, thinking it is too hard or will break us. Actually, the struggle is the birth, and without the struggle, our best self isn’t born. Just as the hatching chick must peck away and struggle to break the eggshell for its beak to become strong enough to hunt and survive as adult. Just as the butterfly must flex and push its wings out and struggle to emerge from the cocoon for its wings to become strong enough to fly. We are not different from the rest of nature in this way. We must struggle in order to gain the strength to be that best self for which we long.

Personally, I choose to accept and struggle towards rebirth.

Although I could choose to dive into addictions and distractions instead, I am not fascinated by those things. Birthing my best self is far more interesting to me. It is an evolutionary process, meaning I’ve been born and reborn. By choosing rebirth over staying stuck and the same, I’ve received more experiences and spiritual gifts than I can list here. To share a blush on it, by birthing my best self, I broke free of an addiction to food and birthed a self that is now free to easily say no to sweets. I broke free of an addiction to narcissistic men, and birthed a self that is now free to say yes to my best partnership. I broke free of an addiction to take responsibility for other people’s choice to not be responsible for their own feelings and needs, and birthed a self that is free to allow others to be irresponsible—while I move on my own, merry way. I broke free of an addiction to what others thought of me, and birthed a self that is free to act in ways that reflect my truth. And that is just the beginning of a long list of results I enjoy from choosing to birth my best self.

Will You be reborn? Here are 5 tips to birth your best self.

If you’re interested in exploring your own birth process, or, if you recognize that you’re amidst a rebirth right now, here are a five tips to better support and care for you:

  1. Don’t expect results. Although this goes counter to our western culture, we MUST release expectations in order to not stress or stunt the birthing process. Why? Because it is not possible to know EXACTLY what the END result of the birth will be. The process is NOT linear and takes as long as it takes.
  2. Learn and care about how you feel. Our feelings help us know when we are out of balance. Like a tire with a missing weight balance, when we don’t know that we’re feeling sad, and instead we act needy, we create a personal wobble that then wobbles all over our relationships. Other people are not responsible for our wobble, and we can learn to care for our own feelings.
  3. Learn and do what you need. One of the reasons why we stunt our own birthing process is because we don’t know what we need or how to care for ourself. It’s our job to find out. We can ask ourself, what do I need right NOW? A hug, a nap, a walk, a talk, prayer… what? And then, we can do it, asap.
  4. Learn to observe with love. Criticism kills, so don’t criticize yourself. Instead, OBSERVE, without judgment. You don’t know the totality of what you will become by birthing yourself. Only life knows what seed is planted in you. Will you be reborn as a butterfly? The only way to find out is to OBSERVE and ALLOW. By observing yourself, you can learn what you need, when you need it, and how you feel when you feel it. You can allow and support yourself and the process, every step of the way.
  5. Admire your own birthing process. Often, other people may be clueless as to what is happening to you. They may have known and see you as a caterpillar. They liked you as a caterpillar. So when the caterpillar is gone, they don’t know what to do. They may suggest that there is something wrong with you, that you’re “not yourself.” They may look at you in the cocoon, and see you as less attractive, and not available to fulfill their needs. Well, even if no one else can see and say to you, “Hey, you’re becoming a butterfly!” you can take heart in observing and honoring your own birthing process, and keep on growing!! How does that look in “real life”—well, during my birthing process, people gave me a hard time about “not coming around anymore,” and left me messages asking if “I had died.” Well, I didn’t get out of my cocoon for their criticisms. Instead, I replied with phone calls or text messages as I felt inspired, which honored my process, saying, “Thank you for your love, care, and concern. I’ll let you know when I reemerge in the world.”

What say ye?

Which of these tools will you use to give birth to your best self? Let us know in comments section, so we may learn from each other!

Always with love,