The corresponding video to this post includes bonus information, such as a discussion about the topic with Bishop Henry Bolden III. To watch the video, click here and subscribe to the show here.
If we feel or believe that we’ve been abandoned by someone we love, the loss and grief that we experience may be so intense that we might dive into distraction, protection, or both. Whether we seek solace in drink, food, drug, work, gambling, sex, the nearest quiet cave, or something else, these types of choices are like a Band-Aid on a chainsaw wound. They don’t cover or heal us, and they leave us open to further injury and infection.
My little story.
I can relate to feeling abandoned. For about 30 years, I believed the awesome stories I told myself about the people I loved. These stories showcased people in a miraculous, heroic, glowing light. I’m not saying it’s bad or wrong to see or describe others in a positive light. However, if we unconsciously deny the whole of who that person is, idealizing and idolizing them, this can be a trademark for, and a justification of, being abandoned by them in some way.
Denial does damage.
By denying my loved ones’ “dark side” so to speak, I also allowed myself to deny my dark emotions about my situation and myself. These dark emotions included: despair, isolation, fear, and lack of worthiness. By denying and repressing my emotions, they weren’t gone, they were just held prisoner inside me. And, they came out in a variety of unplanned ways, which ranged from vulnerable to stubborn. These less-than-conscious behaviors on my part ultimately jeopardized my physical, emotional, and mental health, to a point near death.
Hope can heal.
However, I was stubborn in one good way. I refused to give up hope that I could live a life freed from the chains of these emotions.
To help me heal, I chose a myriad of techniques and tools, which ranged from prayer, reading every book I could get my hands on, taking floral remedies, using essential oils, nutrition, exercise, counseling, integrated manual therapy, reflexology, tapping, meditation, nutrition, art, dance, a variety of energy work, and time in nature. All of these healing modalities helped in some way.
A component that cures.
More than any of those healing modalities, there has been one thing that is within my power to choose, that was the linchpin. It was needed before I could take the steps towards support, and healing. This one thing, has allowed me to go from unhealthy and unhappy, to healthier and more joyful by the day. And that one thing, is just as free and available to me, as it is for you. And I still use it every day. That one thing, is curiosity.
Things can change; We can change!
Instead of “laying down” and saying things like, “Oh, that’s just the way life is. Or, that’s just the way he is, she is, or I am, instead, I ask myself curious questions like, “What do I feel right now?” “Why do I feel that way?” “Why am I like that?” “What do I want?” and others. Instead of shutting down, binging on donuts, working too much, or getting stuck in unhealthy relationships, I choose to stay curious, so I can learn more about myself. And I have and continue to learn so much!! My question for you, is, Will You?
What say ye?
Please share your thoughts and feelings about overcoming abandonment and staying curious in the comments section. Let’s learn and grow together!
Always with love,
Thanks for the advice earlier. Any idea where to start?
Yes, if ultimately I am unable to find assistance, I will definitely take you up on your consultation. Happy Memorial Day! Freedom is not free.