Fairytale Logic

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, fairytales can linger within us and affect the way we see ourself and others. Whether we envision being “saved” like “sweet” Cinderella, being “rich” and “powerful” like Prince Charming, or being a villainous, sinister, puppy-mill-monster like Cruella DeVille, what we take from these characters and stories may impact us more than we know. In today’s article, we’ll ferret out our own “fairytale logic” and consider whether it brings us closer or farther from living our very own “happily ever after.”

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Love ‘em or hate ‘em, fairytales can linger within us and affect the way we see ourself and others. Whether we envision being “saved” like “sweet” Cinderella, being “rich” and “powerful” like Prince Charming, or being a villainous, sinister, puppy-mill-monster like Cruella DeVille, what we take from these characters and stories may impact us more than we know. In today’s article, we’ll ferret out our own “fairytale logic” and consider whether it brings us closer or farther from living our very own “happily ever after.”

The role of imagination

Absolutely vital is the role of imagination in fairytales. As we watch movies like Shrek and Little Mermaid, or listen to a loved one as he or she reads to us from our pretty-little-paperback of Bluebeard or the Frog Prince, we follow our imagination as it transports us to an idea of a “good” and “fun” life. Through stories and fairytales, we are taught at an early age to employ our imagination to begin building a foundation in our mind of how good and happy people look. Please note: although fairytales may stereotype male and female roles, and offer other questionable concepts, for the sake of making our own minds more beautiful, the focus of today’s discussion is ways we may use our imagination wisely.

Fairytale lives

Unconsciously, we may look to model fairytale characters, since mates may seem “perfect,” and often live “happily ever after.” It’s easy to see how, as youngsters, we might draw the conclusion that if our mommies and daddies would only be more romantic and look and act like Big Princes and Princesses, that the family would be happier.

As adults, we might also imagine that “if only” we would be more like The Prince or Princess, all would be well with our relationships. How many of us have imagined the following things? Women: have you—at one time or another—imagined or now imagine “being rescued” (from life’s struggles) by a charming prince? Men: how many of you have imagined—or imagine—“saving” a princess and then marrying her? And how many of us may have imagined or are currently imagining that our mate IS a prince or princess, while we may overlook the truth that he or she may also be abusive, controlling, addicted, or have some other devastating, draining, and difficult-to-live-with trait?

Using our imagination this way can be called “Fairytale Logic.” It boxes us into being EITHER “good” or “bad,” “hero” or “villain.” It does not take into account our “whole story,” our “whole person,” and the “big picture” of who we are.

This causes deep doo-doo

The trouble, stress, and drama-doo that we create by using our imaginations this way is deep.

It results in men/princes who look for women who need to be saved—also known as wimpy, whiney damsels in distress. If these men/princes attempt to “up-level” by dating or marrying an empowered woman, one who does not need to be saved, he may unconsciously or intentionally behave in ways that decimate the woman’s respect for herself and him, so he has the opportunity to be the hero and save her and the relationship (been there, I don’t recommend it)!

Women/princesses are also effected. They may wait in dutiful obligation to be saved. They may judge themself by the Prince’s standards of worth, leaving them uncertain whether their looks, charm, or “who they are” will be enough. They’ll be difficult to satisfy, always searching for the “right” dress, shoes, hair, make-up, jewelry, and carriage to “hook and keep their hero.”

Here’s what I’ve observed about fairytale logic in myself and others

In mentoring people on their journey to empowerment and joy, I’ve seen how deeply people are effected by their own “fairytale logic.” Most of us have fairytale logic somewhere “in the back of our minds,” yet we may not know. Then, if our reality does not agree with our imagined outcome, this disconnect can drive us to depression and addiction. Or, it can also be the catalyst for faith and change, or somewhere in between. Once we’re aware of our fairytale logic, the choice is ours.

I am not immune to using my imagination to create “fairytale logic.” Early on, I imagined one of my family members as my hero. I told myself that person could do anything. Unconsciously, I imagined and believed that he was ONLY (what I thought were) his “good,” “hero” qualities. The lie I told myself that accompanied this “logic,” was that with enough love and support from me, he would choose to let go of what I judged were his “bad” qualities. By “hero-fying” him this way, I allowed myself to love his “good” qualities and deny/ignore his “bad” qualities—along with my pain and unmet needs.

In my thirties, I realized that by not accepting the whole of him, which included his “bad” qualities, I was also not accepting the whole of me and my experience. As a result, I unconsciously duplicated this experience as an adult, in my relationships with men. They mimicked my family member’s hurtful traits. It wasn’t until I accepted all of my family member for who he was—AND accepted that my unmet needs were important and needed and worthy to be met now, that I began to allow myself and others to truly care for me, the way that I needed.

Acknowledging the “whole” person can save a lot of heartache

Seeing and accepting ourself and others, in our entirety, with ALL our characteristics, is the beginning and “happy ending” we seek. The “villain and hero,” and the “bitty and princess,” within each of us both deserve to be acknowledged for their respective power to drive our behavior. So many of us learn this the hard way.

To what fairytale characters do we most relate?

Do we relate to Belle, Beauty, Beast, Bluebeard, Bambi… Maleficent, Ursula, Scar, or Jabba? Do the qualities of the characters we choose empower or limit us? For example, if we see ourself as Cinderella, does that mean that we let our family disrespect us, like she did? Do we unconsciously imagine that is how a “good girl” acts? If so, our affiliation with Cinderella is disempowering. Likewise, if we imagine that we are a powerful prince or hero, do we unconsciously imagine that our money and connections will win over a potential princess? If so, we may attract women who seek money and power.

If we are wise, we will recognize both parts of us, the Beauty and the Beast, the Jekyll and the Hyde. Our ability to be inclusive of both our inner angel and devil, both our inner hero and villain, greatly determines our self-worth and ability to be compassionate. With inclusivity, we can see our whole structure and decide what we want to stay or go—we can remodel our character. With inclusivity, we free ourself to apply our imagination pro-actively and consciously choose the qualities we’d like to embody.

So, what say ye?

Please share your thoughts and feelings about today’s topic in the comments section, so we may grow in awareness and inclusivity together!

And for now, we bid you adieu. Take excellent care of your very fine self and we look forward to being with you next week.

Always with Love,